Mwanga Final Critique
• The voice of the lady telling the story, her audio does not match that was Dr. Laura Stachel. Sounds “thin and narrow”
• Put subtitles over the woman with the white headdress
• Make sure all audio levels are the same and flow
• Think about switching the birth clip and the factory clip
• After the story of the nurse don’t have that extra pause.
• The black spot is a little awkward, bring it in so it flows better
• Visual could hit the music exact, some of them miss
• Every time they mention the We Care Solar, feels too much like a commercial, try and cut that out a little
• Just have Mwanga, it’s not just about Dr.Laura Stachel. The story is so big. At the end maybe then have that.
• It obvious, we don’t need to say that
• Music is great but you begin to feel emotionally manipulated by it. Maybe take it out of some of the clips.
• We might have something better than the Earth, use the footage we have.
• Don’t let it be manipulative
The following is a list of notes and suggestions we recieved from fellow classmates and teachers. We will take all of these suggestions and use them to really polish and improve our documentary. Overall, we feel confident about what we have so far, and are very excited to make this project something amazing and really beautiful. We received a lot of positive feedback from fellow classmates and we are excited to share our final project with everyone.
• The story line is there, people understand what our story is about
• The beginning music was effective, the music during the factory got a little loud and much. Fade it out more. Fade it in.
• Cut the factory voice over to make it flow, no “uhs” make it feel more fluent and faster.
• Subtitles over the last video footage of the woman “Happiest day of my life”
• Maybe start with darkness and baby crying rather than sunset.
• Kinetic typography timing needs to be worked out. Tie the whole “look” together, don’t let anything over power anything. Get the fonts all the same.
• Don’t let music distract in anyway, lighter possibly.
• What obstacles have they encountered?
• Tell it in a more straightforward matter, be direct with it. Don’t want it to feel like an advertisement. Her story, personal.
• Don’t worry about length right now, just make a good piece.
• Very strong
• Primary: Tell the true story, don’t let it feel manipulative
A time-lapse video of the sun going down will open the documentary. The sun completes it’s cycle and welcomes darkness onto the screen. The viewer is now in darkness and the cry of a baby will get louder and louder until it is clearly audible to the viewer. The opening will present a sense of hopelessness, and the darkness will represent the fear felt everyday because of the lack of electricity. The first voice that will be heard ( besides the cry of the baby) will be that of our narrator introducing our core concept. We want it to be clear and direct so that right away the viewer is introduced to the problem faced in Africa.
Our conclusion will be centered around Dr. Laura Stachel’s interview discussing how We Care Solar is growing and now in 25 Countries. We will show videos and images representing the countries, and text that will provide the viewer with the name of the country. The conclusion will provide a sense of hope for the future, and the time-lapse of the sun rising will bring a feeling of warmth and calmness.
What’s the narrative spine of your piece?
Our narrative spine is going to be a voice over from Meredith Paulley, and a personal interview from Dr. Laura Stachel.
Who are your main characters?
Our main characters are Dr. Laura Stachel and her husband Hal.
What are your plans for getting footage besides boring talking head shots?
We have a vast archive of usable footage actually from Africa, and also an interview with Dr. Laura Stachel. We are hoping to get some good footage from the factory where they manufacture the Solar Suitcase. Also, Tony Paulley has taken some beautiful time-lapse videos that will be used throughout.
How is conflict driving your story?
The main conflict in our story is maternal mortality. It is a theme that will be clearly presented in our film. It is the reason Dr. Laura Stachel went into Africa and will drive our piece.
What kind of change do you wish to unfold within your piece?
We would like the film to go from a lack of hope in the beginning, then develop into hopefulness.
What’s the inciting incident and point of entry in your story?
We would like to enter the story with straight up facts comparing the U.S with Africa. Also, bringing the conflict of maternal mortality in as soon as possible. Our hope is to draw the viewer in and make them feel some type of emotion.
What issues do you foresee having making your piece visually strong?
All projects will face challenges and we expect to run into some, but nothing on the visual side really poses a problem for us as of right now.
Our core concept is Dr. Laura Stachel’s journey around the world to bring electricity to hospitals that lack basic necessities.
While making this documentary we hope to convey a strong narrative with aspects of real personal footage from Dr.Laura Stachel herself. Following a narration, we will integrate animation and visual effects to bring life to the story. Also, we will be bringing in our own footage and interview with Dr. Laura Stachel. We can not wait to show you all what we put together. Stay tuned.
Here is my pitch piece for the documentary I would like to make.
NOTE: All video, and images are from Dr. Laura Stachel.
Meredith Paulley (Voice) Music
“Accralate” Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ Sources: http://www.who.int/mediacentre/factsheets/fs348/en/ http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/maternal-deaths-in-childbirth-rise-in-the-us/2014/05/02/abf7df96-d229-11e3-9e25-188ebe1fa93b_story.html http://wecaresolar.org/about-us/our-story/