“A multitude of issues may arise when children become aware that they have been adopted. Children may feel grief over the loss of a relationship with their birthparents and the loss of the cultural and family connections that would have existed with those parents. This feeling of loss may be especially intense in closed or semi-open adoptions where little or no information or contact is available with birthparents. Such grief feelings may be triggered at many different times throughout the child’s life including when they first learn of their adoption, during the turbulent teen years, upon the death of other family members, or even as when becoming a spouse or parent.”
LIVESTRONG.COM. LIVESTRONG.COM, 21 Oct. 2013. Web. 02 Dec. 2015. <http://www.livestrong.com/article/80940-effects-adoption-children/>.
According to the Child Welfare Information Gateway, adopted children feel a sense of grief, rejection and abandonment at some point in their lives when they learn that they were adopted. Adopted people, while children, and even as adults, often wonder why they were placed into adoption and whether something was wrong with them when they were born. Feelings of grief at not knowing one’s own parents can be coupled with guilt because it is not socially acceptable for adopted children to grieve for their birth parents, particularly when their adopted family is a happy one.
They Mourn Their Birth Culture
Along with feelings of grief and guilt, the Child Information Gateway reports that adopted children can react to the loss of their birth parents with feelings of depression, anger, anxiety, numbness or fear. Adopted children may also grieve for the loss of their brothers and sisters and for their other birth-family members, as well as their culture such as in the case of transracial adoption. Adopted children often mourn that they are not allowed to speak their mother tongue when they are adopted by parents of another cultural and linguistic heritage.”
“When I talk to audiences not familiar with the child welfare system, I share startling numbers – more than six million children last year were involved in reports of abuse or neglect and more than 400,000 were in foster care. And today, 101,000 children are waiting to get adopted. These are children, I explain, who have been abused or neglected at such a level that they have been permanently severed from their family of origin and are now simply waiting for a family to adopt them. As I speak, I witness these truths sink in through quiet gasps and concerned faces.”
“10 Ways to Stop 23,000 Children from Aging out of Foster Care.” Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption. N.p., n.d. Web. <https://davethomasfoundation.org/rita/10-ways-to-stop-23000-children-from-aging-out-of-foster-care/>.
I remember as a child my visits with my biological mother. I remember knowing in my heart that she was not my mother. I am so grateful that the court decided for me to not live with her. I was lucky enough to not be separated from my sister in foster care.
During foster care it is very easy for siblings to be separated- this puts a lot of trauma on the children. This can cause a long term effect on children.
This video is an accurate depiction of situations most foster kids are in.
Adoption is no easy task. There is a lot to consider when wanting to adopt.