Final Critiques

  • Music is repetative.  Needs to build tension and as it stands it works in parts but not throughout.
  • Color correction is needed throughout.
  • “It got a bit slow” with Walter and could use more b-roll and a photo or two of boys from the 50s (to accent when he’s talking about his brother.)
  • There needs to be more VO.
  • Explain what an O gauge is and put in more train footage throughout the entire documentary.
  • Cut out as many “ums” and “ahs” as possible, especially during Jacob’s interview.
  • Maybe set up Jacob’s interview to the end.  Put a bit of dialogue at the end of intro reinforcing that the club is dying then immediately follow with Jacob.
  • Logo needs sound effects.
  • Title needs a fancier font.
  • B-roll inserts could be longer.  Right now the entire piece feels rushed.

Rough Cut Feedback

  • Story comes across as more about the present club members than of V. Shattock himself.
  • Audio and dialogue needs adjusting.  The train noises in the background sometimes override the the interview dialogue.
  • Concept is now more about a small, bustling club trying to survive.  Anything that doesn’t support this new concept should go.
  • Perhaps getting interviews with younger/junior members of the club.
  • “Life of Victor Shattock” portion (currently our intro) should be moved to a spot where it can support our new core concept.
  • Recommended we find archival footage of kids enthusiastic about trains from the 50s and 60s.

Story Elements

 

The spine and main story thread of our documentary will focus on the efforts of Victor Shattock, English born train enthusiast and founder of the Golden Gate Live Steamers, and his successors in keeping steam locomotion alive in the modern era.  As Victor Shattock unfortunately passed away in 1974, our story of the passionate model train builder will be painted through interviews of the members of the modern Golden Gate Live Steamers intercut with a narrative overview of Victor Shattock’s life.

The main conflict of our story is Victor Shattock and his successors’ efforts in keeping interest interest in steam engines alive.  In fact the Golden Gate Live Steamers today are in trouble due to as not many new members joining as they used to.

Interview Questions

What do you know about Victor Shattuck from that time?

Do you know why Victor Shattuck started the club?  What was the purpose?

Was the club originally just for him and his friends or could anyone join?

Do you know of any traditions that Victor Shattuck started that are continued today?

Why are the Golden Gate Live Steamers in Tilden Park?

What inspired you to join the Golden Gate Live Steamers?

Does knowing about Victor Shattuck make the club more interesting to you?

Do you consider the hobby participation to be in exponential decline?